TITBITS

1 Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, forgot laughter were called ” Saints”;  But now they are called.  “IT professionals”

2  An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt: ” If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off”

3. Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love. Love is always present. It’s just that, One loves too much, and the other loves too many,

4. Employee: Boss, now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..! BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

5. Philosophy of life: At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD; Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6. What is a Fear? Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach when pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

GIRL CHILD

 

CREATIVE TRUCK ADVERTISEMENTS

EXAM PAPERS by KIDS – REAL ONES !

UPGRADE ?

BASIC MATH

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

AFTER LIFE

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, I do,” the clerk replied.”I’m glad to hear that,” the boss said. “Because right after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you

MANAGERS & ENGINEERS

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. They got their ladders and tape measures and went out to the flagpole. However, the measurement job had turned out to be a much more difficult task than any of them had imagined, with some of them falling off the ladders, some dropping their tape measures and so on, and the whole thing had just turned into a total mess. After a while, an engineer happened along and saw what they were attempting to do. She walked over, pulled the flagpole out of the ground, and laid it flat on the ground. She measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and then walked away without saying a word.

After the engineer had gone, one manager turned to another and laughed as he’s shaking his head. “Now that’s just like an engineer! We’re looking for the height and she gives us the length!”

MANAGEMENT LESSONS

Management Lesson 1
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Management Lesson 2
Turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?”replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wouldn’t keep you there.

Management Lesson 3
little bird was flying south for the winter. It wasso cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.While it was lying there, a cow came by and droppedsome dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to singfor joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird underthe pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

REAL RESUME & COVER LETTER EXCERPTS – Can you believe this crap ??!!

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1) I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2) I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computer and spreadsheet programs.

3) Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4) Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

5) Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6) Its best for employers that I not work with people.

7) Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

9) Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

10) I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

11) Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

12) Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

13) I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14) I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please feel free To respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

15) I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

16) My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

17) I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

18) As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

19) Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

20) Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

21) Note: Please don’t misconstrue my

14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

22) Marital status: often. Children: various.

23) Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

24) The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

25) Finished eighth in my class of ten.

26) References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.